Adore:

读到理查德·费曼写给亡妻的信。本来想解读下，然后觉得，对于这样的状况，读就好了。

D’Arline,
亲爱的阿琳，

I adore you, sweetheart. 
我太爱你了，我的甜心。

I know how much you like to hear that — but I don't only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you. 

我知道你最爱听这个了——但我写这句话，不是只为了迎合你——我写是因为，一想到这个，我都会浑身热血沸腾。

It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing. 

距我上次写信给你，已经过去太久太久——快有两年了，但我想你会原谅我的，因为你懂我的性格。我太固执，也太实际。我以前觉得，写信没有任何意义。

But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

但现在我懂了，我亲爱的太太。捡拾起这件一直没做的事情，绝对是正确的决定。我过去也曾写得那样频繁，我想告诉你我爱你，我想要好好爱你，我会永远爱你的。

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures.

其实我也很费解，在你死后我还爱着你，到底意味着什么。但我还是想给你安慰并且好好照顾你，我也希望，你爱着和关心着我。我有问题时想跟你商量，我想跟你一起做些事情。直到最近我才想到，我们能一起做的事。那咱俩做什么呢？我们开始一起学做衣服，或是学学中文，或者找个投影仪看电影。我自己就不能做点什么了吗？不行，没有你的我很孤单。你是野外探险的“点子狂人”，冒险活动的总指挥。

When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

当你生病时，你会很担心，你怕给不了你认为我需要的东西。你根本就不用瞎担心，就像当时我告诉你的那样，我没有什么真正需求。因为比起那个，我还深深爱着你的方方面面。现在时间更验证了这句话的真实性。你已不能给我任何东西，可是我爱你，你站在我爱别人的这条路上。但我希望你就站在那里。就算你不在了，对我而言，你的意义也远胜过其他活在世上的人。

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don't want to be in my way. I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don't want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

我知道，你肯定会说我很蠢，你也希望我能获得百分之百的幸福，你并不想做拦路石，成为我的负担。我敢打赌，你肯定会惊讶，我就没交过女朋友（除了你，我的宝贝），整整两年啊。但这件事不是你我能控制的，亲爱的。我也搞不明白，我遇到过很多很好的女孩子，也不想自己一直孤零零下去。可是见了两三面后，她们的一切好像都消失殆尽。只有你，留在了我心里。你才是真爱。

My darling wife, I do adore you. 

我亲爱的太太，我真的好爱你。

I love my wife. My wife is dead.

我爱我太太，就算我太太不在了。

Rich

理奇

PS：

Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address.

附言：

请原谅我没有寄出这封信——因为我不知道你的新地址啊